Cheese rules
Last night at our shop holiday party, we served a large selection of cheeses. There were hard cheeses and soft, goat and cow, strong and mild. A plethora of cheese choices. After the party was over and we were cleaning up, I was visually reminded that most Americans have no idea how to eat cheese. It's not that it's hard, but most of us didn't grow up eating a regular cheese course with dinner, and so we never learned the rules. Don't worry, they're pretty simple:
1. Approach the table or take the cheese plate that is passed to you
2. Determine which cheese you would like to sample
3. Take the cheese knife that is on the plate - do NOT use your own knife unless you are in your own house, eating with your family and there is no cheese knife available (ask for a separate knife - often your hosts have simply forgotten to put the knife out)
4. Slice the cheese from the side that has already been cut. Make a clean slice from top to bottom
5. If no one has cut the cheese yet (ha ha) cut a straight piece from the end
5a. if the cheese is round, cut a small wedge as you would cut a piece of pie
5b. Cutting is important, don't dink around with it. Cut cleanly and quickly.
6. It is okay to take more than one piece of cheese, take a small slice of each of how ever many types of cheese you wish to eat and lay them side by side on your plate
6a. You can also take some of the fruit that is there, grapes and pears are delicious with cheese (as is red wine)
7. Return the cheese knife to the cheese plate - don't worry if it still has some cheese on it, it's nice if it's not too schmutzy, but it's cheese after all and no one expects or even wants you to clean the cheese knife
8. Take only 1-2 pieces of bread. You can often get more later and you need to make sure there is enough for everyone
9. DO NOT, and I mean NEVER, scoop out cheese from the middle. It is beyond rude - it is gross. It says to everyone "I don't know how to eat cheese and I don't like the crust, even though most of the time it is delicious and perfectly edible. I can't deal with it and I'm leaving it here for you." The fellow guests who know better will look at you in horror, then quickly divert their eyes and pretend not to have seen it.
The reason why scooping is impolite is that it leaves the next person who is passed the plate with a rotten choice: cut a nice slice of crust (or rind) with no cheese in the middle, or excavate deeper into the cheese cave. From experience I know that most Americans will choose to become miners and most Europeans will slice away in the hope of fixing the mess. Without this cleanup effort the entire cheese will collapse, walls crumbing in a heap, forever trapping the cheese that remains. This is more than an eyesore, it's wasteful.
Last night I saw no less than five cheeses that had been mined in this way. I'm not blaming anyone, as I said above, most of us are simply not aware of cheese etiquette. But as you can see there are some rules, and this mining thing is the most problematic. You will be far better off if you simply take the cheese, with the rind/crust/casing onto your plate. From there you can do whatever you want with it, including not eating the cheese that looked pretty but is not to your taste. But make a mess of the lovely cheese plate and your host will be much less enamored of you.
You want to get invited back, right?
Bon Appetit.
Comments
wow...so many rules! but all make sense and are pretty much how I operate without knowing the rules!
At my hubby's xmas party last week, it was at a hotel private dining room...and they had a beautiful cheese board to go with drinks before dinner....unfortunately they took it away at dinner before we got much of its yumminess! :( My rule is to make sure you get what you want before they take it away for good! :p
wonderful.
and if i may indulge, sometimes just take a fork for that yummy piece of camembert and eat it up ... for a perfect, creamy brie just use a spoon
if there's any cheese leftover, particularly an epoisse (the really stinky stuff) place in an air tight container to avoid smelling out the fridge
and another tip (tolerance permitting) if one hasn't a cheese larder, take cheese out of the fridge at least 30 minutes before serving, much yummier (and spoons to the ready)
This post is very timely given the approaching plethora of parties before us all. You have done an excellent public service here.
Then again, what do we expect from the nation that gave the world Velveeta (and markets it with the slogan, forget the cheddar, Velveeta is better)?
I would also add 5c Do not, under any circumstances, cut the nose (the point) from a wedge of cheese; always take a slice from the side.
Do not, under any circumstances, cut the nose (the point) from a wedge of cheese; always take a slice from the side.
really good point. so avoid the apex.
does that mean its okay to cut across the base, say for a piece of brie.
;-)
Thank you!
Note for next time: block of velveeta with miniature axes
I was once at a party with smoked brie (one and only time I've seen it). As soon as it was clear that everyone was done with the buffet, I "solved" the scoping problem by stationing myself directly in front of the smoked brie and eating nearly all of it. Did I mention that I REALLY like brie?
But, honestly, I'm not normally so crass.
I'm a little concerned about all the responses regarding "most Americans," but I admit I don't really get out much, and don't know most of them.
I tried to address this up front by acknowledging that most of us (and this means me) have not been raised with a cheese course at the end of the regular family meal, so it's not really our fault for not knowing the rules. I learned most of what I know by making many of the above mistakes at dinner with my french husband and his family.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I used to be a miner, and like all reformers, I'm trying to keep others from following down my wayward path. ;-)
The funny part (to me) is that you would think with five soft cheeses on the table I would at least notice the rampant scooping activity. But these guys were good. They scooped in relative secrecy. Quietly carving out the best part of the cheese for themselves...
Either that, or the four glasses of wine I drank just may have kept me from paying strict attention to the cheese display.