Evil marshmallows from hell

We went to the mall today for a day of christmas shopping. We found clear sky, easy parking and no lines. It was a little disconcerting. I was expecting hand to hand combat.

We went to Williams Sonoma four times. It turns out that most of our friends like the stuff they sell there, but it took us four visits to realize that. Each visit we bought something for one person. You could say we're not very efficient at this shopping thing.

The first visit we bought stuff for Xav. Each of the girls picked out something shiny for him and although there was a huge line when we walked in, by the time we were ready to pay we walked straight to the counter. The woman behind the counter was super nice. She offered the girls hot chocolate which I encouraged them to try. I had seen the hot chocolate kit on the way into the store and I was very curious to know what $35 hot chocolate tastes like. Not curious enough to buy it however. I'm curious, not crazy.

Chocolate

The chocolate was literally cooking on the stove and the sales woman was fretting that it would be too hot. "It's really, really hot" she said about 100 times. We get it, it's hot. "Be sure to let it cool." I promise, we'll be careful. She triple stacked the cups so the girls wouldn't burn their hands and as she gave it to them she said again "remember, it's really really hot! Don't drink it yet." Right. Ok. No drinking.

We walked outside, the girls solemnly holding their chocolate cups in front of them as if they were religious chalices - or maybe molotov cocktails. We went over to a concrete bench and sat down, waiting for the chocolate to cool. Outside it should cool quickly, right?

No.

It turns out I made a tactical mistake with the chocolate. When the woman asked us if we wanted marshmallows, I let the girls answer. Each one said yes, very enthusiastically.

The marshmallow - there was only one and it was the size of a Peep - had formed a hermetic seal over the hot chocolate. I know this, because when I blew on Juju's cup to cool it down, nothing happened. No foam. No heat. Nada thing. I blew harder at the side of the cup and BLAM!. Before I knew it, the marshmallow raised up to the top of my cup, releasing all the heat into my face like a giant burp. My face turned red and my glasses fogged up. Ok. This is hot, I thought, but it's working. Very carefully, I blew again. The marshmallow exploded into my face. It covered my cheeks, my lips and my glasses. Cassandre burst into hysterical laughter. Juju pointed at me screaming  "you have marshmallow on your NOSE!" And sure enough I did.

Ha ha.

Very funny.

I used my finger to scrape at the marshmallow on my nose. Instead of coming off, it stuck to both my finger and my nose and as my hand moved away it formed a sticky string as long as my arm. More laughter. Against the Mother On An Outing With Kids rules, I did not have any tissues with me. I was completely paperless. I wrapped the marshmallow string around my finger, scraped the last of it off my nose and ate it. Hey, it's sugar. And it's not like it was in my nose. Plus I was desperate, being in a public place and all. I would have licked it off but my tongue is not long enough to lick the tip of my own nose. No, I didn't go looking for a bathroom because at this point I still thought there might be some way to save the "delicious" hot chocolate held captive by the evil marshmallow.

Marshmallows from hell

I poked my finger into the cup and immediately burned myself. Doh. Determined, I grabbed the top of the marshmallow and tried to lift it out. It was well past time for it to go. But it would not go. It was goo. It was like trying to hold a loogey. Or so I imagine. Ew.

Cassandre, beginning what I'm sure will be a life-long path of not learning from her mother's mistakes, blew directly into her cup. It exploded, spreading marshmallow all over her face and in her hair.

Marshmallow hair is bad.

We took a vote, agreed to give up and chucked the as-yet untasted hot chocolate into the trash can.

I still don't know what $35 hot chocolate tastes like and now that it's sold out, it's likely that you won't either. But if you happen to come across it in the store, take my advice and skip the $18 marshmallows.